Sitting in that leather chair, I swiveled around and took in
the air of what my life had become; a dreary reality of routine and
comfort. As I reached for that paycheck
and breathed in the last hope that things could be different, I was instantly
prodded with the dread that I had to walk away.
I looked around at the walls that surrounded me with accolades and
trophies displaying all I had accomplished—certificates, diplomas, pictures;
treasures to remind me that I had worked so hard to get to this place that so
many only dream of. Educated,
experienced, seasoned…and yet it was time to say thanks, but no thanks. I
climbed out of that chair and decided to take a walk. I peeked in each office, observing the lives
that could be mine. Is this the life I
wanted? Did I want to be him and
her? Did I want my life to be good
enough? Or did I want something
more? Did I dare to do the insane and
unthinkable and risk it? While so many
of us dare to dream of what exists beyond the borders of the reality we so quickly
find ourselves in, only few of us actually muster the courage to hand back the
just good enough. And in a moment of
what some would call insanity, I took the road less traveled. I grabbed my purse, my diplomas, and trophies
and said goodbye. And I ran.
What is it about comfort that is dangerous and
enticing? I think the constancy is one
of the most unseen disadvantages to our lives as humans. Once we think we have achieved a level of
security, we quietly buy the house available in its neighborhood and move
in. And we stay. Years pass, memories fly by, and moments are
swallowed by our fear of change. We
aren’t really joyous and full; but we are comfortable, and that is safer than
the leap of faith to rock the boat. The
reality is just that…reality. And we are
left wondering what else exists that can feed that desire that doesn’t seem to
go away. This life is a journey. It’s full of joys, smiles, and laughter mixed
with tears, frowns, and heartache.
Reaching a goal does not fulfill the desire of achieving the goal unless
the goal is constantly growing and changing.
What’s more is that we become robots in this treacherous storm called
life, holding on to what we know and are in the hopes that the thunder will
pass. Except the thunder does not
pass. It may quiet for a while, but it
doesn’t disappear. The only way to
survive the storm is to float. Fight it,
and it pulls you under.
And the thunder rolls in.
Again. We ask ourselves why we
stay. Is this a life really worth
living? Is this daily monotony the
definition of life? But yet we cannot
face the reality of letting ourselves ask those questions because if we do, the
desire to do more overcomes the coziness of our reality. And then we have to do the unthinkable—create
anew.
I haven’t looked back.
Not a second. Not an ounce of me
misses what could have been. I have no
idea where I am going, or what the next 60 days looks like. But I am free. I have an opportunity to create a life for
myself that is brilliant, beautiful, and full of hope; a life that I will
create, not a life that will be created for me.
Life happens, whether we are looking or not. It is wild and full. If you don’t grab it and create it, life will
overcome you. It is glorious and funny. It is rocky.
Hold on.
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